Lindsay Lohan admits to Vanity Fair contributing editor Evgenia Peretz that at one point she began using drugs "a little," but adds quickly, "I've gotten that out of my system." Lohan also tells Peretz, "I was making myself sick," referring to her bulimia. In the extensive interview in the February issue of Vanity Fair (on newsstands in New York and L.A. on January 4 and nationally January 10), Lohan talks about her violent father, her near self-destruction and emotional breakthrough, and about a film she wants to write about a girl growing up in Hollywood and "how crazy a person can go. But, at the same time, how much they can change."
Lohan tells Peretz that when she was especially skinny, Tina Fey and Lorne Michaels "sat me down, literally before I was going to do [Saturday Night Live], and they said, 'You need to take care of yourself. We care about you too much, and we've seen too many people do this, and you're talented,' and I just started bawling. I knew I had a problem and I couldn't admit it.… I saw that S.N.L. after I did it. My arms were disgusting. I had no arms."
Lohan blames herself for the breakup with That '70s Show actor Wilmer Valderrama, saying that when it came to dealing with the pain of her parents' situation, she'd turn to Valderrama, wanting to be with him "every five seconds" because "I didn't have anyone to go to." The pair were living together at the time and, at 24 years old, he couldn't handle it, she says. "I'm ruining this relationship with this guy that I think is my first love," she remembers thinking. "I'm ruining it because I'm taking everything out on him."