Does anyone want the worthless, obese sloth who's taking up my Util slot and doing absolutely nothing? He's hitting close to .200 and he's ALREADY hit 3 HRs! He only strikes out about once every FOUR at bats and can occasionally take two bases on a double or even field a ground ball!!! Just because he can't even come close to getting around on a fastball, or any other kind of pitch for that matter since he's...large, doesn't mean that you shouldn't pick him up!!! The best part of him is that when he's injured, like now, his production BARELY drops from when he's actually playing! Also, you might be able to switch him over to your Fantasy Football team later this year, since he'd be much more at home there. So please, if there's anyone in the market for a worthless, overrated sloth who can barely move, much less swing and shouldn't be playing major league baseball, even as a DH, just let me know. I'd be looking for a quality pitcher in return.
I'd even be willing to exchange him for cash, just Paypal me fifty cents, or a simple button for that matter.