I have bought this space to offer a profound apology to the Greatest Fans on Earth.
I take a leave of absence and the Linguists come up limp. For the first time since the second week of May, YOUR team lost. They played shamefully.
Jake "Frazier" Peavey pitched disgracefully. Certainly not in the Cunning Linguist Tradition. I PROMISE each and every Cunning Linguist Fan that I will meet with the General Manager, Manager and each and every coach and we will study this loss. If we decide that any current player is undeserving of continuing to wear the Throbbing Pinstripes, we are going to ship their ass off to Peter Angelos or, even worse, Bozidar. I have NO TIME for Losers.
Another SHAMEFUL atrocity that occured this week was the galling lack of security in a game of this magnitude. Commissioner Sax ASSURED me and the Lord's Owner that every precaution would be met. However, after the sixth game of the series, I was accosted by two young hooligans in the stadium elevator. I had to personally thrash them. Luckily for me, I keep myself in good condition. I pummelled them in the same fashion that the good teams pummelled the Bashers this year.
Again, I offer this Apology to Cunning Linguist Fans worldwide. I know there are MANY of you out there. Stay strong. Keep a stiff upper lip. We're not going down just yet....