JDPNYY's Question of the day #285 - Friday 1/8/10

[JDPNYY]

Friday 1/8/10 - JDPNYY's Question of the day (#285):



What is your favorite pun?
Feel free to post a bunch of puns if you wish... just make sure you indicate your favorite pun.

[JDPNYY]

This question was scheduled for today.

[Ram Man]

I never intend puns.

[JDPNYY]

January Posts of the Day Standings (so far):

1 Post of the Day:
Bub
Sam18
xxltaco
theDurk

[penguin4]

All I can think of now is "Thermal Mug, son".

[ZYanksRule]

Pun? Did you mean Pen?

Is that a pun? I'm really confused.

[BxBomber44]

Favorite: I was wondering why the golf ball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.


The Yankees have lost every left handed bat this off-season, but they'll be all right.
Tiger Woods used the wrong ball washer on more than one occasion.

[JL25and3]

JandL25 should probably get bonus credits for being so prophetic...

Take that, YouDurk.

I'm glad you worded the question as you did, John, because it means I can post puns now and wait until later to choose my favorite. I'll start with two baseball puns I really like:

Casey Stengel, on being traded to Boston barely a month after being the hero of the 1923 WS: "The paths of glory lead but to the Braves."

Some San Diego sportswriter, on the Padres' plan to platoon Randy Ready and Tim Flannery at third base: "Ready is more willing than able, and Flannery will get you nowhere."

[Trish]

Why don't you make like a tree and get out of here.

[fredgmuggs]

As I mentioned yesterday my dad loved termites jokes which was puzzling for anyone who knew him because he seemed relatively normal in every other aspect in his life.

This one was his go-to termite joke/pun and I'm quite certain his repeated retelling of it scarred me for life: So, a termite walks into a bar and asks, "is the bar tender here?".

[YankeePride1967]

I saw a fork in the road, so I took it.

[TheDynasty26]

Have you heard the joke about the butter? It hasnt really been spread around.

Or the one about the roof? Ah, you wouldnt get it, its over your head.

Or i can go with the pencil joke...but that has no point.

[xxltaco]

you're think you're punny, but you're snot.

[b-ball-lunachick]

I think this is a pun - my favorite was a sign from the 2001 World Series when Randy Johnson was pitching:

It takes more than 9 Yanks to beat our Johnson.

[DontHateOnNumber2]

It's not that the man didn't know how to juggle, he just doesn't have the balls to do it.

[allybear]

"Balls" said the Queen and the King laughed because he had t(w)o.

[DEADSOX]

Wang was hurt last year, couldn't reproduce what he's done in the past.

[penguin4]

A guy walks into a bar holding a little man playing the piano and says, "What, you think I asked for a 12-inch pianist?"

[smr15]

My signature line:

Of all the things in life I've lost, I miss my mind the most.

[DEADSOX]

Rectum, damn near killed 'em.

[4bronxbombers]

The husband when anyone is singing:

"why don't sing over by the window and I'll help you out?"

OR

"can you sing far, far away on a hill?"

OR,

riding in the car and a cop drives by, he pushes the passengers head and say, "hide the dope."

[Trish]

The husband when anyone is singing:

"why don't sing over by the window and I'll help you out?"

OR

"can you sing far, far away on a hill?"

OR,

riding in the car and a cop drives by, he pushes the passengers head and say, "hide the dope."

I would have killed him and hid the body long ago.

[JL25and3]

The husband when anyone is singing:

"why don't sing over by the window and I'll help you out?"

OR

"can you sing far, far away on a hill?"

OR,

riding in the car and a cop drives by, he pushes the passengers head and say, "hide the dope."

Those don't really sound like they're your favorites.

[4bronxbombers]

I guess they aren't really "puns" now that I think of it.

[TinoFan84]

Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

[penguin4]

Confucius say: Man who fart in church sit in own pew.

[fredgmuggs]

There once was a man who lived in a town and every year there was a contest to see who could think of the best pun. Each year the man entered - and each year he lost. One year he decided he would enter ten puns to increase his chances of winning the contest. No pun in ten did.

[fredgmuggs]

We need more puns in here!!!!

So.... do restaurant patrons in Prague always get separate Czechs?

[NYYDragoon]

http://xkcd.com/559/

[b-ball-lunachick]

http://xkcd.com/559/

this is what we call and MIT pun.

[BxBomber44]

I can't wait for when Jesus plays for the Yankees.

[yankees2287]

Confucius say baseball has it all wrong, man with four balls no can walk!

i go into a kosher deli and i ask the worker if he has matzah balls, he says no i just walk that way!

[TheYankee]

Poker? I hardly know her!

[DEADSOX]

liquor? I hardly know her!

[JL25and3]

Poker? I hardly know her!

liquor? I hardly know her!

I used to embarrass my niece by yelling, "Hey Derek...Jeter?"

(Also needs to be said out loud.)

[Bozidar]

Cat Ass Trophy
(Piers Anthony)

[Beyle]

You can lead a horticulture, but you can’t make it her think. -Dorothy Parker

[penguin4]

I used to embarrass my niece by yelling, "Hey Derek...Jeter?"

(Also needs to be said out loud.)

And he probably replied, "No. Jew?"

[4bronxbombers]

The little old woman who lived in a shoe wasn't the sole owner - there were strings attached.

[JL25and3]

And he probably replied, "No. Jew?"

Annie Hall. Pretty much where I got it from.

[RYMASTER or Ryan_Yankees]

The little old woman who lived in a shoe wasn't the sole owner - there were strings attached.

Boo!

[xxltaco]

liquor? I hardly know her!

isn't it...liquor in the front. poker in the rear.

at least that's the bar sign i'd own.

[theDurk]

Take that, YouDurk.

Although hardly original (think Exeter dorms--I've had that nickname a long time), this IS a step up from yesterday's gem.

Puns ARE the lowest form of humor. I humbly offer this stinker that has a certain charm:

If a centipede a bucketful,
how much would a precipice? A sheer drop.

[BxBomber44]

I read through ten of these puns looking for a mention of the Red Sox, but no pun in ten did.

[JL25and3]

Although hardly original (think Exeter dorms--I've had that nickname a long time), this IS a step up from yesterday's gem.

Puns ARE the lowest form of humor. I humbly offer this stinker that has a certain charm:

If a centipede a bucketful,
how much would a precipice? A sheer drop.

OK, this loses you any right to criticize my pun.

[theDurk]

OK, this loses you any right to criticize my pun.

I agree.

[JL25and3]

He only took tips!

[JDPNYY]

I met an alien midget landing from outer space yesterday, he said "take me to your ladder"

[JDPNYY]

What's the difference between a bad golfer and a bad sky diver?

A bad golfer goes whack, damn.

A bad sky diver goes damn. whack.

[JDPNYY]

A man went to his dentist because he feels something wrong in his mouth. The dentist examines him and says, "that new upper plate I put in for you six months ago is eroding. What have you been eating?"

The man replies, "all I can think of is that about four months ago my wife made some asparagus and put some stuff on it that was delicious...Hollandaise sauce. I loved it so much I now put it on everything --- meat, toast, fish, vegtables, everything."

"Well," says the dentist, "that's probably the problem. Hollandaise sauce is made with lots of lemon juice, which is highly corrosive. It's eaten away your upper plate. I'll make you a new plate, and this time use chrome." "Why chrome?" asks the patient.

To which the dentist replies, "It's simple. Everyone knows that there's no plate like chrome for the Hollandaise!"