Jersey Yankee
01-09-06, 12:06 PM
50 things guaranteed not to happen in 2006 (http://northjersey.com/page.php?qstr=eXJpcnk3ZjczN2Y3dnFlZUVFeXkxMDYmZmdiZWw3Zjd2cWVlRUV5eTY4NDcyNDYmeXJpcnk3ZjcxN2Y3dnFlZUVFeXk2)
We saw it coming.
The White Sox winning their first World Series since 1917.
A woman almost beating the boys at the Indianapolis 500.
Rutgers playing in a bowl game.
The Rangers beating the Devils ... three times.
Johnny Damon jumping from the Red Sox to the Yankees and cutting his hair in the process.
We told you so.
Predicting all that was way too easy, like stopping the Jets' rushing attack.
So this year, we're boldly forecasting 50 things guaranteed not to happen in 2006.
No way, no how.
Not a chance.
We think.
Here's one thing that we feel strongly won't happen: After splitting up with his wife, Tiger Woods will star in his own reality series: "Who Wants to Marry a Divorced Billionaire Golfing Icon?"
And this probably won't, either: Lance Armstrong will leave Sheryl Crow for Courtney Love.
Neither will this: Ashlee Simpson's singing career will be found cryogenically frozen alongside Ted Williams' head.
In its latest attempt to crack down on steroids, Major League Baseball forces first-time offenders to listen to Kevin Federline's soon-to-be-released rap CD.
College football expands to 75 bowl games, with the seventh-place team from the Big Sky Conference playing the sixth-place team from the Patriot League in the Bada-Bing Bowl at Giants Stadium.
Randy Johnson, demonstrating he has adjusted to life in New York City, responds to every reporters' question with one word: "Fugheddaboutit!"
The YES Network, running out of programming ideas, will air "Yankeeography: Melky Cabrera."
All pro sports teams cut ticket prices in half.
And parking is free.
We saw it coming.
The White Sox winning their first World Series since 1917.
A woman almost beating the boys at the Indianapolis 500.
Rutgers playing in a bowl game.
The Rangers beating the Devils ... three times.
Johnny Damon jumping from the Red Sox to the Yankees and cutting his hair in the process.
We told you so.
Predicting all that was way too easy, like stopping the Jets' rushing attack.
So this year, we're boldly forecasting 50 things guaranteed not to happen in 2006.
No way, no how.
Not a chance.
We think.
Here's one thing that we feel strongly won't happen: After splitting up with his wife, Tiger Woods will star in his own reality series: "Who Wants to Marry a Divorced Billionaire Golfing Icon?"
And this probably won't, either: Lance Armstrong will leave Sheryl Crow for Courtney Love.
Neither will this: Ashlee Simpson's singing career will be found cryogenically frozen alongside Ted Williams' head.
In its latest attempt to crack down on steroids, Major League Baseball forces first-time offenders to listen to Kevin Federline's soon-to-be-released rap CD.
College football expands to 75 bowl games, with the seventh-place team from the Big Sky Conference playing the sixth-place team from the Patriot League in the Bada-Bing Bowl at Giants Stadium.
Randy Johnson, demonstrating he has adjusted to life in New York City, responds to every reporters' question with one word: "Fugheddaboutit!"
The YES Network, running out of programming ideas, will air "Yankeeography: Melky Cabrera."
All pro sports teams cut ticket prices in half.
And parking is free.