View Full Version : JDPNYY's Question of the day #285 - Friday 1/8/10
Friday 1/8/10 - JDPNYY's Question of the day (#285):
What is your favorite pun?
Feel free to post a bunch of puns if you wish... just make sure you indicate your favorite pun.
This question was scheduled for today.
Ram Man
01-07-10, 11:20 PM
I never intend puns.
January Posts of the Day Standings (so far):
1 Post of the Day:
Bub
Sam18
xxltaco
theDurk
penguin4
01-07-10, 11:45 PM
All I can think of now is "Thermal Mug, son". :lol:
ZYanksRule
01-08-10, 12:18 AM
Pun? Did you mean Pen?
Is that a pun? I'm really confused.
BxBomber44
01-08-10, 04:43 AM
Favorite: I was wondering why the golf ball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.
The Yankees have lost every left handed bat this off-season, but they'll be all right.
Tiger Woods used the wrong ball washer on more than one occasion.
JL25and3
01-08-10, 04:55 AM
JandL25 should probably get bonus credits for being so prophetic... Take that, YouDurk.
I'm glad you worded the question as you did, John, because it means I can post puns now and wait until later to choose my favorite. I'll start with two baseball puns I really like:
Casey Stengel, on being traded to Boston barely a month after being the hero of the 1923 WS: "The paths of glory lead but to the Braves."
Some San Diego sportswriter, on the Padres' plan to platoon Randy Ready and Tim Flannery at third base: "Ready is more willing than able, and Flannery will get you nowhere."
Why don't you make like a tree and get out of here.
fredgmuggs
01-08-10, 05:54 AM
As I mentioned yesterday my dad loved termites jokes which was puzzling for anyone who knew him because he seemed relatively normal in every other aspect in his life.
This one was his go-to termite joke/pun and I'm quite certain his repeated retelling of it scarred me for life: So, a termite walks into a bar and asks, "is the bar tender here?".
YankeePride1967
01-08-10, 06:28 AM
I saw a fork in the road, so I took it.
TheDynasty26
01-08-10, 07:40 AM
Have you heard the joke about the butter? It hasnt really been spread around.
Or the one about the roof? Ah, you wouldnt get it, its over your head.
Or i can go with the pencil joke...but that has no point.
xxltaco
01-08-10, 08:08 AM
you're think you're punny, but you're snot.
b-ball-lunachick
01-08-10, 08:15 AM
I think this is a pun - my favorite was a sign from the 2001 World Series when Randy Johnson was pitching:
It takes more than 9 Yanks to beat our Johnson.
:D
DontHateOnNumber2
01-08-10, 09:07 AM
It's not that the man didn't know how to juggle, he just doesn't have the balls to do it.
allybear
01-08-10, 09:18 AM
"Balls" said the Queen and the King laughed because he had t(w)o.
DEADSOX
01-08-10, 09:26 AM
Wang was hurt last year, couldn't reproduce what he's done in the past.
penguin4
01-08-10, 09:30 AM
A guy walks into a bar holding a little man playing the piano and says, "What, you think I asked for a 12-inch pianist?"
My signature line:
Of all the things in life I've lost, I miss my mind the most.
DEADSOX
01-08-10, 09:33 AM
Rectum, damn near killed 'em.
4bronxbombers
01-08-10, 09:36 AM
The husband when anyone is singing:
"why don't sing over by the window and I'll help you out?"
OR
"can you sing far, far away on a hill?"
OR,
riding in the car and a cop drives by, he pushes the passengers head and say, "hide the dope."
:thatsodd:
The husband when anyone is singing:
"why don't sing over by the window and I'll help you out?"
OR
"can you sing far, far away on a hill?"
OR,
riding in the car and a cop drives by, he pushes the passengers head and say, "hide the dope."
:thatsodd:
I would have killed him and hid the body long ago.
JL25and3
01-08-10, 10:00 AM
The husband when anyone is singing:
"why don't sing over by the window and I'll help you out?"
OR
"can you sing far, far away on a hill?"
OR,
riding in the car and a cop drives by, he pushes the passengers head and say, "hide the dope."
:thatsodd:Those don't really sound like they're your favorites.
4bronxbombers
01-08-10, 10:13 AM
I guess they aren't really "puns" now that I think of it.
TinoFan84
01-08-10, 10:21 AM
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
penguin4
01-08-10, 11:37 AM
Confucius say: Man who fart in church sit in own pew.
fredgmuggs
01-08-10, 11:45 AM
There once was a man who lived in a town and every year there was a contest to see who could think of the best pun. Each year the man entered - and each year he lost. One year he decided he would enter ten puns to increase his chances of winning the contest. No pun in ten did.
fredgmuggs
01-08-10, 11:52 AM
We need more puns in here!!!!
So.... do restaurant patrons in Prague always get separate Czechs?
NYYDragoon
01-08-10, 11:59 AM
http://xkcd.com/559/
b-ball-lunachick
01-08-10, 12:20 PM
http://xkcd.com/559/
this is what we call and MIT pun. :P :D
BxBomber44
01-08-10, 12:20 PM
I can't wait for when Jesus plays for the Yankees.
yankees2287
01-08-10, 12:24 PM
Confucius say baseball has it all wrong, man with four balls no can walk!
i go into a kosher deli and i ask the worker if he has matzah balls, he says no i just walk that way!
TheYankee
01-08-10, 12:30 PM
Poker? I hardly know her!
DEADSOX
01-08-10, 01:47 PM
liquor? I hardly know her!
JL25and3
01-08-10, 02:39 PM
Poker? I hardly know her!
liquor? I hardly know her!
I used to embarrass my niece by yelling, "Hey Derek...Jeter?"
(Also needs to be said out loud.)
Bozidar
01-08-10, 03:40 PM
Cat Ass Trophy
(Piers Anthony)
You can lead a horticulture, but you can’t make it her think. -Dorothy Parker
penguin4
01-08-10, 04:42 PM
I used to embarrass my niece by yelling, "Hey Derek...Jeter?"
(Also needs to be said out loud.)And he probably replied, "No. Jew?":P
4bronxbombers
01-08-10, 04:50 PM
The little old woman who lived in a shoe wasn't the sole owner - there were strings attached.
JL25and3
01-08-10, 05:38 PM
And he probably replied, "No. Jew?":PAnnie Hall. Pretty much where I got it from.
RYMASTER or Ryan_Yankees
01-08-10, 06:14 PM
The little old woman who lived in a shoe wasn't the sole owner - there were strings attached.
Boo!
;)
xxltaco
01-08-10, 06:52 PM
liquor? I hardly know her!
isn't it...liquor in the front. poker in the rear.
at least that's the bar sign i'd own.
theDurk
01-08-10, 07:58 PM
Take that, YouDurk.
Although hardly original (think Exeter dorms--I've had that nickname a long time), this IS a step up from yesterday's gem.
Puns ARE the lowest form of humor. I humbly offer this stinker that has a certain charm:
If a centipede a bucketful,
how much would a precipice? A sheer drop.
BxBomber44
01-08-10, 08:10 PM
I read through ten of these puns looking for a mention of the Red Sox, but no pun in ten did.
JL25and3
01-08-10, 08:31 PM
Although hardly original (think Exeter dorms--I've had that nickname a long time), this IS a step up from yesterday's gem.
Puns ARE the lowest form of humor. I humbly offer this stinker that has a certain charm:
If a centipede a bucketful,
how much would a precipice? A sheer drop.OK, this loses you any right to criticize my pun.
theDurk
01-08-10, 08:44 PM
OK, this loses you any right to criticize my pun.
I agree.
JL25and3
01-08-10, 08:46 PM
He only took tips!
I met an alien midget landing from outer space yesterday, he said "take me to your ladder"
What's the difference between a bad golfer and a bad sky diver?
A bad golfer goes whack, damn.
A bad sky diver goes damn. whack.
A man went to his dentist because he feels something wrong in his mouth. The dentist examines him and says, "that new upper plate I put in for you six months ago is eroding. What have you been eating?"
The man replies, "all I can think of is that about four months ago my wife made some asparagus and put some stuff on it that was delicious...Hollandaise sauce. I loved it so much I now put it on everything --- meat, toast, fish, vegtables, everything."
"Well," says the dentist, "that's probably the problem. Hollandaise sauce is made with lots of lemon juice, which is highly corrosive. It's eaten away your upper plate. I'll make you a new plate, and this time use chrome." "Why chrome?" asks the patient.
To which the dentist replies, "It's simple. Everyone knows that there's no plate like chrome for the Hollandaise!"
For Dr. John:
Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?
For muggs:
Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft, and I'll show you a flat minor.
For the Political Soapbox:
When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I.
For Bonus Cantos & Jenn:
A pessimist's blood type is always b-negative.
For Trish & Vickie:
A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
for the Jakester:
A sandwich walks into a bar, The barman says, "Sorry, we don't serve food in here".
A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says, "A beer please, and one for the road".
For Brad:
Four fonts walked into a bar and the barman shouted, "Get out, we don't want your type in here".
For Iowa Todd:
One ear of corn said to the other 'You're getting husky'.
For Sam & CapnCrunch:
Aspiring physicians go to college and get indoctorinated.
for TifoLou:
Looting a drugstore is called Pillaging.
For Trish & Vickie:
A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
:thatsodd:
for Mr. Coffee:
I phoned the zoo but the lion was busy.
for johnnyyankee:
Some men view marriage as a matter of wife and debt.
for Rhody:
An accountant at a coffee company is known as a bean counter.
for Linda:
People in the desert have dry humor.
for Karen:
It's quiet in a bowling alley because you can hear a pin drop.
for Ruben:
Those who drink too much at night have to worry about the mourning after.
for philleotardo:
Old postal workers never die, they just visit the old stamping grounds.
for the Hot Dob Thread fans:
The hot dob vendor answered, with a tone quite frank.
for Bub:
Meetings - where we take minutes and waste hours.
for -tz:
A library should have several floors because it is a multi story building.
penguin4
01-08-10, 10:07 PM
Kermit the Frog wanted to marry Miss Piggy, so he went to the bank looking to borrow money to buy her the engagement ring. However, he didn't want Miss Piggy to know, so he decided to use a pseudonym, Kermit Jagger.
The woman handling the claim, Ms. Patricia Black, asked Kermit if he had any collateral. Kermit shrugged and pulled a disfigured object out of his pocket. Ms. Black had no idea what it was, so she showed it to her supervisor, who replied:
"It's a knick-knack, Patty Black! Give the frog a loan. His old man was a Rolling Stone."
for the rymaster:
I always prayed before my trigonometry tests. I was hoping for a sine from above.
...another for Vickie:
Marathon runners with bad footwear suffer the agony of defeat.
For the dragoon:
The grammarian was never late. He was always very punctual.
for allybear:
Why was six afraid of seven? Because seven eight nine.
for Tim the missing Sox fan:
Archers study arrow dynamics.
for Ryan_Yankees:
The weather forecast was for freezing rain, and sure enough it was an ice day.
for Steve (hitman):
May the 4th be with you.
MassNYYfan
01-08-10, 10:29 PM
I called the black party line but it was off the hook.
for Trevor:
A reporter was at an ice cream store getting the scoop.
for MassNYYfan:
Any golfer will tell you the gospel truth. Your next shot always depends on the lie.
for Penguin4:
Writer's cramp is also known as Authoritis.
for da Boz:
When computer programmers are hungry they take mega-bites.
penguin4
01-08-10, 10:37 PM
Did you hear about the genius who shoved candy down his trousers? His friends all called him Smartie Pants.
for Maynerd:
During his air test a young pilot flew through a rainbow. He passed with flying colors.
for Deadsox:
For a chemist disappointed in an experiment the reaction was on his face.
johnnyyankee
01-08-10, 10:42 PM
for johnnyyankee:
Some men view marriage as a matter of wife and debt.
Right ON !!! :eek:
for xxltaco:
When I treated my friends to lunch at the Mexican fast food restaurant I had to pay the taco bill.
penguin4
01-08-10, 10:43 PM
Right ON !!! :eek:It also tends to broaden your horizons.
for Soriambi:
I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.
johnnyyankee
01-08-10, 10:45 PM
It also tends to broaden your horizons.
I use that term in the most affectionate way. ;)
for MunsonNY15:
To write with a broken pencil is pointless.
for theDurk:
When traveling between Russia and Alaska, you first must get your Bering Strait.
for BXBomber44:
From the middle of the Pacific, the shipwrecked survivor found his way to the California coast purely by occident.
for b-ball-lunachik:
Sherlock Holmes turned to Dr Watson and announced: "The murderer lives in the house with the yellow door."
"Good grief, Holmes," said Watson. "How on earth did you deduce that?"
"It's a lemon entry, my dear Watson."
for Ram Man:
The failure of the vehicle's brakes caused an instant ram-ification.
for TinoFan84 & Gring...
The parsley farmer couldn't pay his child support, so the courts garnished his wages.
for smr15:
Little Jimmy told his teacher he never saw a humming bird but he had watched a spelling bee.
Sorry if I missed anyone. 'twasn't intentional.
My answer:
Most people don't know that back in 1912, Hellmann's mayonnaise was manufactured in England. In fact, the Titanic was carrying 12,000 jars of the condiment scheduled for delivery in Vera Cruz, Mexico, which was to be the next port of call for the great ship after its stop in New York.
This would have been the largest single shipment of mayonnaise ever delivered to Mexico...
But as we know... the great ship did not make it to New York... The ship hit an iceberg and sank. The cargo was forever lost...
The people of Mexico, who were crazy about mayonnaise, and were eagerly awaiting its delivery... were disconsolate at the loss...
Their anguish was so great, that they declared a National Day of Mourning which they still observe to this day...
The National Day of Mourning occurs each year on May 5th... and! is known...of course... as...
Sinko de Mayo.
This concludes Friday's Question of the day
Post of the Day:
http://forums.nyyfans.com/showpost.php?p=6568731&postcount=26
Points Standings
JDPNYY 101
Soriambi & fredgmuggs 34
Mr Coffee 30
RYMASTER 28
JL25and3 25
BxBomber44 20
TinoFan84 15
Trish 12
Yankchic22 & Stupid Flanders & b-ball-lunachick & GiambiRocks & Coney36 10
Mantle'sMutt & CptCrunch & johnnyyankee 5
Maynerd 2
MassNYYfan 1
Negative Points Crew
All negative points have been wiped clean for the new year. Look for more opportunities to earn points in the upcoming weeks.
I have decided to forgive Sam as we head into this new year. No need for an apology or a thank you. Sam is back in the QoD's good graces.
Feel free to carry on any discussions.
Please don't give any new answers to this QoD.
Feel free to discuss today's award.
Ram Man
01-08-10, 11:07 PM
I move that JDPNYY be awarded the POD by acclamation. Is there a second?
JL25and3
01-08-10, 11:08 PM
I move that JDPNYY be awarded the POD by acclamation. Is there a second?Yeah, he pretty well steamrollered the competition.
penguin4
01-08-10, 11:15 PM
I move that JDPNYY be awarded the POD by acclamation. Is there a second?
Yeah, he pretty well steamrollered the competition. :upset:
:upset:
Fret not. JDPNYY is not eligible to win the PoD.
BxBomber44
01-09-10, 01:53 AM
You can win Playa of the Day though.
For Dr. John:
Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?
For muggs:
Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft, and I'll show you a flat minor.
For the Political Soapbox:
When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I.
For Bonus Cantos & Jenn:
A pessimist's blood type is always b-negative.
For Trish & Vickie:
A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
for the Jakester:
A sandwich walks into a bar, The barman says, "Sorry, we don't serve food in here".
A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says, "A beer please, and one for the road".
For Brad:
Four fonts walked into a bar and the barman shouted, "Get out, we don't want your type in here".
For Iowa Todd:
One ear of corn said to the other 'You're getting husky'.
For Sam & CapnCrunch:
Aspiring physicians go to college and get indoctorinated.
for TifoLou:
Looting a drugstore is called Pillaging.
for Mr. Coffee:
I phoned the zoo but the lion was busy.
for johnnyyankee:
Some men view marriage as a matter of wife and debt.
for Rhody:
An accountant at a coffee company is known as a bean counter.
for Linda:
People in the desert have dry humor.
for Karen:
It's quiet in a bowling alley because you can hear a pin drop.
for Ruben:
Those who drink too much at night have to worry about the mourning after.
for philleotardo:
Old postal workers never die, they just visit the old stamping grounds.
for the Hot Dob Thread fans:
The hot dob vendor answered, with a tone quite frank.
for Bub:
Meetings - where we take minutes and waste hours.
for -tz:
A library should have several floors because it is a multi story building.
for the rymaster:
I always prayed before my trigonometry tests. I was hoping for a sine from above.
...another for Vickie:
Marathon runners with bad footwear suffer the agony of defeat.
For the dragoon:
The grammarian was never late. He was always very punctual.
for allybear:
Why was six afraid of seven? Because seven eight nine.
for Tim the missing Sox fan:
Archers study arrow dynamics.
for Ryan_Yankees:
The weather forecast was for freezing rain, and sure enough it was an ice day.
for Steve (hitman):
May the 4th be with you.
for Trevor:
A reporter was at an ice cream store getting the scoop.
for MassNYYfan:
Any golfer will tell you the gospel truth. Your next shot always depends on the lie.
for Penguin4:
Writer's cramp is also known as Authoritis.
for da Boz:
When computer programmers are hungry they take mega-bites.
for Maynerd:
During his air test a young pilot flew through a rainbow. He passed with flying colors.
for Deadsox:
For a chemist disappointed in an experiment the reaction was on his face.
for xxltaco:
When I treated my friends to lunch at the Mexican fast food restaurant I had to pay the taco bill.
for Soriambi:
I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.
for MunsonNY15:
To write with a broken pencil is pointless.
for theDurk:
When traveling between Russia and Alaska, you first must get your Bering Strait.
for BXBomber44:
From the middle of the Pacific, the shipwrecked survivor found his way to the California coast purely by occident.
for b-ball-lunachik:
Sherlock Holmes turned to Dr Watson and announced: "The murderer lives in the house with the yellow door."
"Good grief, Holmes," said Watson. "How on earth did you deduce that?"
"It's a lemon entry, my dear Watson."
for Ram Man:
The failure of the vehicle's brakes caused an instant ram-ification.
for TinoFan84 & Gring...
The parsley farmer couldn't pay his child support, so the courts garnished his wages.
for smr15:
Little Jimmy told his teacher he never saw a humming bird but he had watched a spelling bee.
Points Opportunity
One of the puns above is more appropriate for the forumer than any of the others.
On guess per person.
15 points to the first person to guess the most appropriate pun. 5 extra points if you can explain why.
YankeePride1967
01-09-10, 08:59 AM
My guess is the political soapbox pun.
MassNYYfan
01-09-10, 09:03 AM
It's true, I'm a professional golfer.
my guess:
Originally Posted by JDPNYY
for Steve (hitman):
May the 4th be with you.
CptCrunch
01-09-10, 10:05 AM
Dr. John's because he was Dr. Pavlov's assistant.
fredgmuggs
01-09-10, 10:15 AM
I'll say Maynerd. It seemed very fitting for him.
JavyVazquezIsSick
01-09-10, 10:16 AM
Deadsox...Scientist.
my guess:
Your guess is correct.
The bonus points are up for grabs....
JL25and3
01-09-10, 11:01 AM
Your guess is correct.
The bonus points are up for grabs....He's getting married again?
b-ball-lunachick
01-09-10, 11:05 AM
He's getting married again?
that would have been my guess...I'm a little worried. :D
JDP- those puns were great..thanks for the laugh this morning! :)
JL25and3
01-09-10, 11:41 AM
Dr. John's because he was Dr. Pavlov's assistant.Don't be silly. I was nowhere near Russia back then.
Your guess is correct.
Wooo HOOOO!!
Things are already looking up in 2010! ;)
He's getting married again?
Close enough. He's been married 3 times and hasn't been around for a while... He must be closing in on 4.
15 points for Sue
5 for John.
4bronxbombers
01-09-10, 03:05 PM
For Trish & Vickie:
A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
:thatsodd:
4bronxbombers
01-09-10, 03:06 PM
...another for Vickie:
Marathon runners with bad footwear suffer the agony of defeat.
I like that one. :lol:
4bronxbombers
01-09-10, 03:08 PM
Wow John, you put a lot of thought and work into all the puns you assigned people. Thanks, that was very nice of you. Seriously.
Wow John, you put a lot of thought and work into all the puns you assigned people. Thanks, that was very nice of you. Seriously.
You're thanking him for singling us out at as the forum lushes? :lol:
Not much work had to go into that revelation. :o
4bronxbombers
01-09-10, 04:33 PM
You're thanking him for singling us out at as the forum lushes? :lol:
Not much work had to go into that revelation. :o
Well not really thanking him for that but for....nvm. :lol:
You're thanking him for singling us out at as the forum lushes? :lol:
Not much work had to go into that revelation. :o
Just a little vino now and then. I didn't make you out to be lushes. Sigh.
4bronxbombers
01-09-10, 04:38 PM
Just a little vino now and then. I didn't make you out to be lushes. Sigh.
It's ok John....no secret that Trish and I like a little vino now and again. :)
YankeePride1967
01-09-10, 04:42 PM
I feel so left out :(
JL25and3
01-09-10, 04:43 PM
It's ok John....no secret that Trish and I like a little vino now and again. :)And again. And again.
Just a little vino now and then. I didn't make you out to be lushes. Sigh.
Oh, I'm a lush.
MunsonNY15
01-09-10, 05:08 PM
for MunsonNY15:
To write with a broken pencil is pointless.
Aw, thanks John.
I'm sorry I missed this thread. But had I answered, it would have been the one you gave Ally. It's guaranteed for a laugh from any 6 year old you tell it to.
In fact, the reason I was away yesterday is that I was baby sitting my two nieces. One of the places we went was a book store where my 7 year old niece wanted to buy a joke book, so I spent all day yesterday hearing kids' jokes (hmm, did she read this thread beforehand?). Here's one of my favorites:
What's the difference between a coyote and a flea?
One howls on the prairie and one prowls on the hairy.
Yuk, yuk, yuk.
Heidi
MunsonNY15
01-09-10, 05:20 PM
Points Opportunity
One of the puns above is more appropriate for the forumer than any of the others.
On guess per person.
15 points to the first person to guess the most appropriate pun. 5 extra points if you can explain why.
I can spot personal reasons for a few of them, but I'll go with the one for Muggs.
Heidi
EDIT: Whoops, didn't see the correct guess had already been made. A day late again....
fredgmuggs
01-09-10, 05:45 PM
Close enough. He's been married 3 times and hasn't been around for a while... He must be closing in on 4.
15 points for Sue
5 for John.And he's a big Star Wars fan so that makes the pun work even better. Well done, JDP.
And he's a big Star Wars fan so that makes the pun work even better. Well done, JDP.
Indeed.
It was cool that 7 or 8 people saw this. I though my work was gonna go by the boards.
Hey, I got the inference!!
I may look like I don't have a clue, but sometimes I do. :D
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